Was It Neglect or Was It the Best Thing For My Children?

Last year I opened a studio where I could share my knowledge and systems and support with more folks.

I had started with a business plan based on a 20 hour work week and 1565 square foot studio space. 7 months in I grew out of the space, had an 80 hour work week (which was actually 1161 square feet) and then tried to "fix" the problem by working even more - when it became 16 hours a day 6 days a week - it nearly killed me - literally.

What it did for my boys and home-schooling? That's still coming to light. But in the last 8 days since closing the doors of the studio, bringing my private clients to my home where I had originally started from, and getting to be with my sons every day all day, I've discovered that someone was watching out for me and my boys and Divine Grace was at work here. For that, I'm grateful and I humbly acknowledge the God presence in our lives at this time.

These two boys needed there mom, not a computer program, not an app, not a semi-school program and certainly not to be put in public school - they needed ME. Present. Healthy. HERE.

Over the weekend I poured through all of my curriculum I have invested in over the years, ENKI, Waldorf Essentials, Earth Schooling, Well Trained Mind, Charlotte Mason and my heart was raw with emotion and exuberant with joy that I have a second chance.

Thank you Sweet Spirit for your gifts that I may share with my boys.

As a mother I feel I did neglect them - although I always made sure they had 4 meals prepared every day for them, I checked their work when I could but they were in front of a computer screen - what I hate the most for longer than I would have wished for anyone. Even though I know schools now use it as a main tool I still do not believe the computer is the best tool for learning.

I saw things that I had instilled in them still carry them forward but I would also see influences from youtube and mine craft and other shows that created a voice in them that was not their's.

They observed much hard ship and constant work from me and care for my clients but they did not get the attention and focus that I wish to give them and feel is more important than anything at this time.

So many thoughts going on but I will end this here. I will write more because it is my best way of self discovery.

For my boys - I love love love you and am grateful for every moment I get to be your mom. Thank you for the lessons I learn as I "home school" you both!