Dear Diary

I want to remember this moment - this feeling -

Today as I was unpacking more boxes from the move Ryder asked me if I ever had a diary. "Yes". Where is it? me:  it's gone. Ryder: what happened to it? me: I burned it Ryder: what? in fire? how did that happen? ME: I burned it when we were at grandma's and I was letting go of a lot of my past. Ryder: but why did you burn your diary? Me: I was done with my past and I was ready to move on. Ryder: hmmmm

A bit later in the day I find this:

I was delighted. Tickled. In awe. Every moment I get to be a mom to these boys I heal and rekindle the "inner child" of me.

I want to always remember that love is the answer. That no thing, no action, no duty, no dogma, no requirement, no anything is more important than my divine expression of love for myself toward my boys. To ensure they always know this expression from me and they be allowed to flourish in their perfection. I nor they are not broken and they do not have to buy something in order to be loved or whole or  worthy. They do not have to do anything but BE their truth and themselves and choose and create from that pure place.

Then what is created from these two beautiful beings will be shared graciously from a place of pure creation not of requirement to fulfill some arbitrary checklist or status.

Thank you for my journey with you my boys. Thank you divinity. Thank you universe. Thank you all who have collaborated on my path and continue. Thank you for my now. Thank you for my then and thank you for my forever. Thank you. I love you.

Graduation from childhood into pre-teen - the change is happening

In Waldorf Steiner talks about the 9 year change. My beloved eldest son Ryder - oh my heart, my breath, my soul, my life. He is changing - 9 year change is happening in a gradual and beautiful shift of energies.

Ryder - the trickster, the sage the love of my life.

Today he wrote Dear Diary,
"I wish I'd started keeping a diary. so I decided to keep a diary. Let's get started. "

He allowed me to cut his hair and was patient through the process (normally it's "are you done YET!?)

Then he put on his nice shirt and tie with a white t shirt underneath, his hat and sunglasses and his nice pants. He never ever wears! What has changed!? It was a diary moment for sure.

FOLLOW UP! He actually hung up all the pieces and put his hat away - all on his own!! OMG! I didn't even ask - I just walked in to my closet (our) and there was this cute outfit hung up. Oh dear heart! Angels sing!

Does "schooling" end with summer vacation?

Because I was home-schooled - (I was home-schooled and in a private school my mom created until I entered 8th grade - then went to public school and graduated 2 years early because - well, I was doing 12th grade work in 8-9th grade from the public school system) I never looked at schooling or life as something you do between the hours of such and such.

It's probably why I am not and could never be a 9-5er. It may have contributed to my entrepreneur lifestyle but I have always been a visionary and very innovative. I could create a pair of shoes from old carpet - I actually did and I wore them around! They were like gladiator shoes and very cool!

*Currently Ryder is doing adding and subtracting 3 digit numbers with regrouping. When I see his discovery of a new concept it is incredibly rewarding. It rekindles my joy of life and learning. (Ryder just came over to have me check his work) So so proud of him. Dax is creating in his lego world with the cuisinaire rods.

Back to summer time. This summer we have incredible journeys planned. With Ryder getting older - 8! he is interested in stop motion and animation so he will be in a summer camp at the TV station I produce through.

Dax will enjoy time with arts, science and animals - his love.

We have a couple of trips to the south and camping trips up north on the agenda.

I will be working on a film - long days and long weeks so my mother is coming in to be with the boys. I'm grateful for the support!

With the tremendous change going on in my life - personally and professionally I have found it difficult to sit down to write on the blog from any creative place. So it's all free flow here.

I'll note here as well - Ryder is into Garfield - he's read 47 of them. I don't love that he is into them - garfield is a bit snarky for my adult tastes but as I child I remember many a days of laughing out loud. At his age that is his humor. We also do the ENKI sages work - brilliant. Enki and what Beth Sutton created - just brilliant - it fits in so beautifully in his world. The stories of the Jewish Sage and tricksters - so much joy with those this week.

I have on the list to video our morning circle for posterity. I will do this before we shift into the relaxed days and summer camps.