Altercations, bullying, differing opinions

Yesterday at our regular park play date with other home schooling families we have been seeing for nearly a year an altercation broke out between Ryder my almost 8 year old and a few of the other children ranging from 11 to 7.

Today when  I was discussing the incident with Ryder he said "I learned to use my words from you and I learned to fight back from dad". I am still reeling from this whole thing so I thought I would write it out here and see if I can make sense of this.

When I discussed the incident with Ryder's father, he said "Aikido isn't working clearly, he needs to take a boxing class and...." I tuned out after that knowing it would take me down a much visited path that leads no where good.

I am VERY against violence. But I also understand the world and growing up can be tough. It is why I personally take Aikido and why Ryder does and why Dax will when he turns 6.


Ryder told me he was trying to play by himself when the other children kept saying "Ryder's it, Ryder's it" for some game. He said he kept repeating he didn't want to play but they kept teasing him.

"I was playing by the trees by myself, "names withheld of the 5 other kids" ran over and they started pushing me and saying I was it, and I wasn't playing.  They kept tagging me by pushing me and I fought back.When I kept saying I wasn't playing they started fighting me, "name of girl" punched me "4 of the kids names" kept on pushing me and saying it in a rude way "Ryder's it" and I kicked  back to protect myself."

When the other children came up after Ryder came to me, the other children said Ryder kicked them and was calling them names. They didn't say anything about them being the cause of the trouble or that they had actually started the pushing and kicking instead made it seemed like Ryder was the bad kid in it all. As I listened to these children speak my heart broke. I called Ryder over to be part of resolving this. When Ryder said his side and one mother asked if what Ryder said was true, they admitted it was true.

ARGH! As I listened to the girl that I would never consider would lie or fabricate the truth - she's nearly 10  my heart became sad and I found myself frustrated. I hate to be a Darcy - but I am. I just can't help it. Once my good opinion is lost, it's lost forever. Ah high drama of parenting, of life, of growing up. 

Is this a new rite of passage as a parent? Perhaps if I weren't in the middle of so much other turmoil in my life right now, this may not have been so significant. As it stands in this moment, I am so sad, hurt and frustrated at so many different things.

Ryder's Drawing time today

and an impromptu drawing he did last year

Dax's Puppet Show from 2013 spring

Ryder's Puppet show

K'Nex Christmas gifts made

Uncle John and Aunt Dasha sent some awesome sets of K'Nex the boys put together. What fun they had and keep on having with these. And they don't hurt as badly as legos when you step on them (that's when they get left out - accidentally)

Gymnastics Friday outings

Toastmasters - Leaders and Origami

I am part of Columbia Center Toastmasters - a group I love! This is my time to get out and share and learn with other toastmasters to be a better speaker AND listener.

Today we had 3 amazing speakers. One speaker finishing his CC manual with his 10th speech talked on Leadership. An inspirational and educational speech. It has inspired me to do a unit study on leaders - starting with Cyrus the Great - who was known for empathy. K's speech literally could be a block of study on it's own! I have added that to the roll for this year - specifically for Ryder.  Without a doubt Ryder has leader in him. To have the foundation of great leaders now...smart thinking mama!

“You cannot be buried in obscurity: you are exposed upon a grand theater to the view of the world. If your actions are upright and benevolent, be assured they will augment your power and happiness.”
― Cyrus the Great

Then S gave a speech and demonstration on Origami - teaching us how to make paper cranes. M shared her beautiful tiny cranes and I shared some with my boys - who love them very much. Ryder was very interested in origami in December. It's since been put aside with other interests coming in but we will keep it as a lovely skill.

Then T shared a very humorous speech about her experience with being "robbed" of jury duty.

WOW! I am so lucky to be amongst great speakers and fellow toastmasters. The whole team co-created a super meeting. I had the role of General Evaluator - I learned much today. About myself and about how I can be a better leader, listener and speaker. This all helps me be a better mommy and teacher to my beloved boys.

Science Is FUN!

We are incredibly lucky to have the Vancouver Water Resource Education Center right in our back yard. Once a month on the second Saturday, an amazing group of volunteers, many with 10 and even 15 years of volunteer service, create an adventure in learning. All for free. All interactive. Such a joy! With my gratitude to all of the volunteers and staff of the Water Resource Education Center.

Black Light experiment:

These work well under the light

Tonic Water - with Quinine - excellent
Highlight Markers
Chlorophyll  made from spinach and rubbing alcohol

Star Gazing
Ursa Major and Minor
with glow in the dark paint - under black light - fun - too overcast to see stars tonight. Next time...

Spotted an amazing rainbow today on our way out during a few moments of the sun breaking through.

Mushroom Education - Fungi vs Flower - Mushrooms don't need sunlight. They eat waste material.

They grow in the dark. Most flowers/plants need sun some can grow in moon light.

Upcoming projects: Butterfly garden, night blooming flower - perhaps moon flower - recall the wonderful book on this topic.

Community and Connection and loss...

Oh dear. Our wonderful, beautiful friends are moving. It seems we are now cramming play dates before they move over 6 hours away. It's a fabulous opportunity for them and we are very happy for them of course. But we are so very sad to lose these good good people - these good friends - great friends in fact. Oh dear...I am so very very sad.

The memories we have made with them are to be treasured for certain. To have a perfect mom friend and to also have the children get along so beautifully is a gift. Hours can go by...oh my, I shall miss them so very much...

Dax creative play is the gift of... donuts

Yesterday we had plans for a leather project co-op and before we headed out the door I was wrapping up a work project. The boys usually have free play time while I do my work. Dax's free time resulted in a very lovely surprise.

I'll tell it from the way I discovered what was up.
When we arrived at Susan's (our host for the leather project) Dax looked for Lucy her 4 year old daughter. He gave her a "gift" and she took it to her mom whom I was in a conversation with. Susan opened it and Dax said it's a gift I made for your family. (heart melting here)

All of a sudden I realized what Dax had been doing that morning. He had been coming in to my - office every couple of minutes asking "what's the little girls nam?" -me "Lucy", "can she eat cinnamon?" me "ummm have to ask her mom" what's the older girls name  - is she allergic to cinnamon? and so on with all 4 children plus the mom. He was checking for allergies (we have them big time here) but I didn't know the purpose was so deep for him.

So he had made a "treat" wrapped it in wax paper, then colored paper. Then he came back in to my office again and said I need a .... it was something to wrap the present - I think he asked for a rubber band to hold something closed. I had no idea what was inside or what he was doing. Nor did I really ask (this is my philosophy - I really encourage and enjoy their independent creativity).

I gave him some pipe cleaners to use and he finished his project and we scooted out the door.

I didn't see or know what he had done until we got to their house.

Meanwhile - the family was so very excited and pleasantly surprised at the very delicious treat that tasted like "yummy donuts".

Oh my that's such a great story of Dax. Perfect of who he is. O love of my heart!

I am sure there are folks out there who would say something stinky about my parenting or about this whole thing. What I can tell you is - I have great faith, great trust and belief in the beauty and wonder and goodness of children, and not just my children but of course my children. And I believe when we allow them to blossom in this way it's the miracle of  God Source coming to life in form.

Responding to a fellow mom - posting this here because I want to read it so I can remind myself of my own wisdom when I need it....

I feel for you completely. Here is my advice from a mommy doing grade 2 and Kindy and first time this year with Enki.

First, have compassion for yourself. Lots and lots of it. Take a walk and breathe. This is just my intuitive hit so take it or ...the emotions coming up around this sound like they may be connected with some other past situation/trauma or belief (have to get it all done, there's not enough time, et al)

What I have learned is this - and while I do get that each set of materials is for a specific grade - I can tell you that I (at 44 for - so what "grade" does that make me?) get benefit - and a huge benefit, enrichment, understanding, learning, skill level learning with the materials. What that realization meant for me was that I didn't have to be on some check list line up to get something done by a certain age or time. My view is these materials will feed us for a long time to come and they will integrate lovely for many "grades" to come.

I wasn't sure if you are new to Enki over all? If so, then that may just be the "newbie" reaction we all experience. One thing for sure, Enki is not an instant fix or instant gratification. The gratification is so compounded and compounds exponentially after a few months of full integration of the web.

Breathe! Breathe in the grace you are and the amazing, kind, strong woman and mother who connected with Enki and chose this path. It's a quest - it's a journey into ourselves and definitely not about a destination!

Practically speaking, perhaps stepping back from it then setting yourself up the space and time to be with it - cup o' tea, cozy chair or...immersing yourself in the materials towards what feels good, what calls to you to bring to your children. Take all the should's out of the equation and it starts to come together nicely. No rules, just you and your desire to....

Sending you much love and understanding.

Stephana