Muddy waters, allowed to settle, become clear - from 8/20/12

I am in the midst of inner work in preparation for our TRIBAL Academy starting in just a few short weeks.
Taken from an old Zen Proverb - "Muddy waters, allowed to settle, become clear" has been part of my contemplation for the past couple of days. Another take on this concept as Einstein put it - paraphrasing here - "You can't solve the problem from the same place it was created".
Doing the inner work with the desire to deeply know the difference between keeping a focus on the outcome rather than being fully present in the moment has brought up much for me to look at in my life, my business and as a  homeschooling mother.


So much of my past has been about focusing on the outcome, the goal and there in lies the problem. Although, I do feel it is important to have the direction I believe the work of having our values in place allow us to have that internal compass for the direction. To have this missing then life becomes a process of trying or doing or constantly looking for the "answer". Something I believe the west and other parts of planet are great victims,, thus the epidemic of commercialism and people constantly buying the next thing, book, diet, etc. Doing, doing, doing addictions. Hmmmm...Yes, I'm right there working through this.

So how do we then fully be present and also keep that goal? I wonder if I were fully connected to my Source if that would not then be an issue. I plan to continue on this contemplation as it's been a very enriching experience.

GAPS, Paleo, Vegan, Raw... (merging blogs) Original post 3/27/13

In my life time, I've been vegan (10 years from late teens to late twenties), I've been "100% Raw" for 17 days, 98% GAPS for 10 months and "paleo"..

Here's what I've discovered, being 100% vegan using tofu and gluten as fillers for the meat replacement, lots of legumes and grains is not good for me. I can't say if it's true for anyone and everyone, but for me it was sheer disaster and was a key source of many ailments and illness in my life. I will not and would not recommend being 100% vegan to anyone for any reason. Morally or otherwise.

When I was 100% raw for 17 days I included raw eggs and raw milk (from trusted, reliable sources) in that diet but only about 5% the rest of my diet was green smoothies (kale,spinach, other greens mixed with either raw fruit or raw veggies), raw soaked and sprouted nuts and seeds (mostly walnuts, some almonds, sunflower, pumpkin, chia seeds) and lots of big green salads with lemon juice and lots of avocado. I had more energy, more clarity, more vision, more peace, more calm, less need to sleep, less need to "be right", less need to do do do to get it all done. But I also became very "ungrounded" and started to "pick up" a lot of outside energy, I don't necessarily mean negative energy. I have always been naturally intuitive - well, intuition, empathy, ok I'll just say it - psychic phenomenon was on strong. I don't think it is fully sustainable to live that way and also function in the world of parenting, planet earth, healing others, dramatic arts, marriage, work and the like. In those 17 days however, I believe I felt the best I've ever felt in this body.

Over the last couple of years I've been going through what I now term as a "Healing Crisis". I had been violently sick since moving to Austin, TX in October 2006. I would have excessive and severe coughing attacks (later would lead to double hernia that caused great pain) that would lead to convulsive/spasmatic vomiting. I went from a size 6 to a size 0 in weeks. This would last for months. I found out later it was "allergies". Cedar, mold, ragweed...I sure never had allergies before moving to Austin. Meanwhile, for 6 more years I would go through this horrific process of debilitating illness. Each time getting worse. Temperatures at 104.2 - I am NOT kidding (I saw the thermometer myself) and yes I can attest the result of that high temperature is very dangerous in an adult and causes hallucination and convulsions and well, probably some brain damage in my case as well. Good thing I believe in healing powers of the body.

By the time I gained enough courage to take some drastic measures to change my life, I had experienced deep depression, severe insomnia, excessive hair loss, abfractions and extreme tooth deterioration, confusion, arthritic pain in my joints, blurred vision, near 100% bed rest for close to a month - there were days I couldn't crawl to the bathroom, umbilical and hiatal hernia, lumbar pneumonia, severe weight loss 5'10" woman at 140 down to 114 pounds in a very short period of time. (Sadly my friends and family actually believed I was anorexic - a disappointment as I really can't imagine anyone deliberately suffering in this manner - and why in the world would they think that about me when I adore food and good health is my leading value - oh well - note to clear this with EFT). I somehow maintained functioning on I'd say a level 2 of 10 across the board and remain alive because I refused to give up for my beloved sons. I will always be grateful to those beautiful beings...

Ok, the point of this... last March after I had broken my right forearm (ouch!), had two root canal-ed front teeth completely removed, (a tragedy from the time I was 8 years old) that were holding significant infection and metal toxins (GROSS! and double OUCH)  I left Austin - for good!  I (we) spent some time in AZ. I confronted icky, puky, scary, creepy "ghosts" from childhood and moved along. By May we were in the great NW and we started the GAPS diet. I started with the introduction - bone broth and LOTS of it!  Oh boy I thought it was hard at first but I did it. I made bone broth in Motel 6's up the Western US right out of my crock pot. Trusty thing it is! So for the next 10 months I proceeded to go from a bag of bones size 0-2 all the way to a svelte curvy size 10 and I  haven't been sick a single day! Depression is down to about a 2 out of a 10+ and that's only occasionally now as I've been gaining so many skills to handle this. Skills I can't wait to share here!

This paleo thing seems to be all the rage and my 30 day meal plan I created from my GAPS lifestyle could look pretty much "paleo". Although in paleo they forego the fermented anything as well as butter and kefir. Although I've chucked the dairy for now to check for intolerance in my boys, I miss it.

So here's the point of all this really - I believe each of us is unique and different. I believe there is a season for each of us. I definitely know there isn't 1 right answer for everyone everywhere. I wonder if we don't just want that one for all answer so we can just not think about it or "let someone else deal with it" as my husband says. The fact is, we must all be responsible for our own health. You know, every time I went to a doctor whether allopathic, naturpathic, holistic or otherwise I had completely different answers - on the same set of symptoms. I believe we have lost touch with our own sense and our connection to our own bodies, our own rhythms and that may be part of the reason we have so many illnesses. I know so much more now after going through these last few years. I'm eternally grateful for the experience and hope I may share what I can with others seeking.

One thing I will say as a blanket statement for everyone and anyone: foregoing any and all processed, manufactured, altered "food" is the best way to go.

Peace and Blessings,
XOXO

Settling In To Our Autumn Rhythm of "Home Learning"

Ryder whistling while he works. He made the bow, quiver and arrows.

By far, this has been the best autumn for me in many years.

The boys now being 6 and 8 are more independent yet connected and provide me much help in our regular activities and learning adventures as well as insight into a world I missed.

I continuously find myself in awe and with bountiful joy while parenting these guys. As my self- awareness expands from so many areas, I can't help but think that each moment is such a gift if I can just take the time to be more present with them. When I do this - "Practicing Presence" I get the continuous awe and joy. When I lose sight or get bottle necked in back logged to do's, I get downright ornery.

But all of that is part of "home learning" for me and I continue to refine my definition of both HOME and LEARNING to expand into the Grace that is the gift of stewarding these children.

I'm building my personal, business and family calendar to ensure all of my/our actions are aligned with our values. Blocking out time for the important as well as mundane to ensure basics are learned and a foundation of strength, integrity and character are instilled.  The unimportant and unnecessary fall off. This feels good.

So many great stories during this season. I wanted to write down the list to have it but...
"Rabbit Hill", Ghost of Thomas..., Introduced Beverly Cleary (a native of Portland and a whole library and park adventure for our enjoyment as we discover the characters she created for children)

Lots and lots of Grimm for Dax. I'm seeing/hearing difference in the fairy tales now - to understand the reasoning behind them from Steiner's approach to learning. I like this. I wish I knew all of this before they were born so I could have kept these years more protected from the outside adult world or "reality".

Autumn for us is - Horse back riding, chowders, stews and yummy soups and lots of fresh breads as well as baked apples, pears and fig pudding. Heaven. Building models, impromptu science experiments. Fun and love.

Dad shared his sickness with Dax and then the rest of us...it's gone through the house. From my borage, elderberry and other concoctions we've managed to move through it quickly. My love of herbs and sharing the healing wisdom of the body and Mother Earth I take it as a positive opportunity rather than a burden (mostly). Nothing like a little empirical evidence that our food is always the best medicine.

Wish list - a home with a yard for a garden and space. Microscope. Telescope  - a good one. A wood working mentor for Ryder. A couple of holistic families to adopt into our community for regular dinners and play dates.

Scientists!

So much fun - baking soda and vinegar! And so many things to learn about!

Ryder in the lab coat with Dax as "assistant"

We have a regular outing to get our spring water and visit the forest and zoo. If we are really prepared we even make it to the ocean. My healing place. I'll add surfing to the wish list for next summer.

So proud of Dax for fixing the spigot! Totally worth a quarter from Mom!

Ryder enjoying a good joke...or two.

Thank you! Who do I have to totally thank for this moment of joy in this time and space! THANK YOU! I LOVE YOU! Thank you boys for picking me to be your mama.

Direct Connection To Nature Is The Living Education That Gets Results

It's October in the Pacific North West. Autumn, but it feels like summer. It looks like we have another week of this weather and I'm going to take advantage of it with my boys.

Today we went on a hike and found dozens of beautiful spider webs with a variety of spiders. We spent moments in pure awe and wonder as we enjoyed the creations of these beings. Questions were asked, exploration and discovery took place. That's a successful day for me as a home learning teacher/mom.

This month Ryder will be building a worm composting bin. This is part of the Gaia studies I am doing with the boys. In Greek mythology, Gaia was the archetype of the Earth. The great mother of all. While we will not be studying Greek mythology this year (we'll save that for next year) I do like using Gaia as it gives a personification and the "proper noun" (part of what we are learning this year) name for our land.

It's fascinating how much we can learn and discover while taking on a simple project such as the worm composting. I will admit, I'm more excited than he is as he keeps his Garfield books or Diary of a Wimpy Kid books close at hand. I pick my "battles".

Some of the other actions we are taking to improve our relationship with Gaia:

• Using cloth napkins instead of paper towels or napkins
• Taking our own dishes and mugs to horse back riding (they use paper cups).
• Buying our food from within 100 miles. (Not sure if Bob's Red Mill counts when I buy our Teff grain but I'm continuing as that's where they at least package it. I'd love if I could find Teff in bulk but my family seems to be one of the few who enjoys it.)
• Walking to the park and as many places that we can instead of driving
• Changing our mentality from consumer to "investor"

A direct connection with Gaia brings more awareness, inspiration and joy as well as the room for real learning and discovery. We learn to listen as well as speak with Mother Earth through the seasons and the woods.

I hope my children will appreciate Gaia as I do and cultivate the well being of her throughout their lives.