Does How We Treat Children Determine How They Develop Into Adults?

Yesterday the boys and I spent most of the day at the Odd Fellows Lodge. The nearest local lodge that I am a part of is in Portland, across the bridge from where we live.

My boys were patient and supported me while I had volunteer work to do there and they also helped me help in the kitchen for the odd ball fundraiser for the ball.

Now I have a few questions:

When we treat children as second class citizens - how do you think they will behave?
When we disrespect children how do you think they feel?
When we assume they are incapable - what do you think they assume about themselves?

One of the core reasons I finally divorced my boys' dad is that he considered these boys to be troublesome creatures who should be seen and not heard. To be sat in front of the zombie box or other zombie device and kept quiet and out of trouble. Because he was too focused on his delusions he could not take the time, effort or energy to teach them or model for them what a real gentleman, a kind human being, someone who cares for humanity and gives a damn about our world. The moment they are with him, his phone goes in their hands. Maybe he thinks this is what they want, but I believe it's more so his way to "control" them. It frightens me to think that is what goes on throughout our world nowadays.

I know it is clear I have a strong viewpoint on this enough that I'm actually writing this blog post on it. But I'm furious and I've consciously made the choice not put up with so much bull any longer. At least I can blog about it if nothing else. Thank GOD for free speech. I will no longer smile and not say a word about injustice. Nor will I just push it off and say - this too shall pass. Sure, it will pass. No question. But in the meantime I let an injustice go by? NO MORE? If we let the little injustices go what do we do with the big ones? There is WAY too much injustice in the world today!! WAY TOO MUCH! Don't even get me started on our "health care system".

Because folks we are creating our world, we've been creating our world, we've been reasonable far too long and it's way past time that we start standing up for the right. I WILL fight for the RIGHT!

Children are our future. They are the most important places for us to put our energy. Second only to what we are doing, saying in our own lives - because children are learning what they live.

What I see in our world today frightens me. Our children have so few quality role models.

I am hyper aware of how and what I do with my boys. How I act around them - and I do fall short far too often. This frustrates me to no end. But I am always willing to take personal responsibility and never will I blame another for my short comings. I will improve in any way I can for the greatest good for the greatest number as that is a core value my parents taught for me. Sadly, they also modeled one for all and none for themselves. That buck stops with me!

Since my children were babies, I would bring them with me wherever I went - to help, to serve. FAITH, FAMILY, SERVICE - my core values. Do you know yours? Do your children?

My boys observed me mowing lawns, helping neighbors, helping others, yes even strangers, cooking in the kitchen which had Ryder at 2 years old capable of making pancakes and loving every minute of it.

Both of my boys have served those without shelter, have served in kitchens and helped so many without being told. They are aware of those who are without shelter and mindfully seek out ways to help another. They are not oblivious of the challenges our world faces but they are not burdened with this because they are willing to do something - even if it is to pick up 1 piece of trash, to wipe off one table, to serve another with a kind word or a silent prayer.

What took me aback was a fellow odd fellow whom shares the purpose to help, to "educate the orphan" -  was outwardly rude to my children whom were helping in the kitchen for a big fundraiser event for the group. While they were also being youthful they were not disrupting anyone or anything,  they in that moment didn't have their arms up to their elbows in the sink washing dishes or cleaning the spinach or helping in some other way.

That was unacceptable to me. Especially because I give so much of my time and energy as well as money that I personally don't have to spare as a single mom.

It really was too much and made me realize that I do not have to be a martyr. That there are other ways we can help without taking ourselves down or making us feel like second class citizens, inadequate or unworthy.

When your help is made to be bad or unworthy - how do you feel? Well, believe me children feel it, and it's a major impact. I speak from personal experience.

I write this because I am personally pissed right now.

We worked for another hour or so, completed our "shift" and then we left the ball before it even started.

There were several absolutely wonderful and caring people who went out of their way to meet my boys and be kind to them and wow does that stand out. That simple gesture of kindness. The lead chef, the very talented actor, the chaplain - so kind and supportive and setting a wonderful example for my boys and for ME!

Juxtaposed to the out and out rudeness and put downs that they didn't belong. I had to get out of there as fast as I could because I was fuming.

You know, my parents gave so much of their time, energy and money to the church we "belonged" to when I was a child. We experienced much of the same.

 Those that are kind to children and treat them as human beings who are just as worthy to be, do and contribute are the real heroes in my book.

Anyone can put down a child to fill themselves up.  But as I write this I just realize that those people who feel they have to do that are the sad creatures.

So I will clear my boys and myself, for this anger is strong and it stems deep from my own childhood wounds.

But NEVER forget - children ARE worthy. And if they are not there is something wrong with YOU.

We talked about what happened on the way home and when we got home my youngest son, 9, said, "Mom I really want to serve you and Ryder. Please sit down and relax and let me make dinner."

This precious wonderful boy set the table beautifully, then made an awesome salad and pizza and  served us a 4 course meal from a place of joy, kindness, giving, generosity. And it was clear he felt empowered and deeply fulfilled because he was allowed to contribute.

THAT MY FRIENDS IS WHO CHILDREN REALLY ARE. If we only allow them and acknowledge that rightness in them.

March - we've been studying geography

the Earth, terrain, tectonic plates.

Most of Ryder's spelling words come from the current main lesson.

DAX - we have continued weekly Dr. visits for his brain injury. He has continued to improve and is nearing the level of pre-accident in his reading. But what that means is he's reading at his 7 year age and sometimes this triggers fear in me which triggers doubt and other emotions I haven't fully cleared.

But...he is improving, so that's what counts. We are nearly complete with the McGuffey Primer which is what we started and were nearly through prior to the auto accident in 2016.

Working with his brain and doing as much as I can from the physical and energy, as well as nutrition to help him shows me how much we as a society are missing the boat by not taking in a holistic, integrated approach to our children's education.

Daily -

Sleep is crucial. It's still a challenge when they return from dad's weekend. It's like a detox mode and they usually sleep 10-12 full hours after a weekend with dad. That is likely the media/digital devices as much as the lack of sleep and outdoor play time.

New Beginnings and Transitioning from 6th to 7th Grade with Ryder

We've been spending the last month reviewing "6th grade" with Ryder. He's ready to progress and there is no reason to hold him back. While he's not specifically studious, he grasps knowledge very rapidly and his comprehension and understanding comes easily. I have a concern that it is without depth, but as I observe, that is more because of his youth and lack of experience. That experience will only come with time.

It is like watching myself as youngster. So much quiet curiosity. Ryder's qualities and needs remain steadfast. He is still vibrant with his energy but prefers comfort and security. As we continue to balance our energy in the home both boys thrive.

I had been concerned that divorce would be disastrous to the boys and our family unit, the most vital parts of my life, but it's been a smooth transition over all. Staying in the town home and keeping our daily anchors has been key. I intentionally made the experience of the divorce as positive as possible. It anchored around a dessert - not my best. Why does that still hold a power. Treats? To soothe the pain. Ugh. Ok, I'm aware. It's another mindfulness piece.

Time to settle in and drop anchor.

I will reinforce our anchors which consist of

Digital Sunset. We must turn off all digital devices by 6:30pm and settle in - I'd like to start this at 6 but I still have evening clients and the Odd Fellows lodge meetings 2 times a month and this disrupts the flow. By fall I'd like to have all my evening clients/classes handled by Yogilachi certified trainers.

Meal times returning to the GAPS diet and nourishing snacks they can easily access on their own.
7:00AM/11:00AM/3:45PM Main meal times. This is probably most important to Ryder but Dax needs this as well. Sitting down to our table, cloth napkins, blessings and candle - this ritual is not only nourishing but so healing. I cannot let this fall out. I recommit to this as a priority even if it's a simple meal.

BEDTIME boys just do so much better being in bed with a song and story by 7 and asleep by 7:30. For my own well being I must get to bed by 8pm. Waking at 3:50 daily is the only way I can get everything done that is important to me to get done so I must continue to prune the vine of seemingly urgent yet not so important activities.

I will continue to hold to the vision of an optimal home life as well as building TRIBAL Academy as a holistic community learning center with at least 6 acres! With a support team - I need help with cleaning and meals. There must be others out there who need and want an intentional community. What would it be like to have a supportive and loving community cohesively co creating harmony? What a beautiful dream.

The more we progress with our "home schooling" the more joy I find in my own life. There is just so much to learn and enjoy and explore and discover. To watch the boys unfolding in their unique expression is my purpose right now. That I must remember no matter how chaotic things feel with being a single parent, I can do this and it's worth everything when I hear connected, calm, happy human beings thriving. That's worth everything.

RYDER: Both boys still gravitate to the digital world. Video games. Ugh. Still a challenge. I'm still vigilant on the cause and effect. There is no question he has more sensory issues after video game time. Isn't the enough evidence of it's destructive effect? How can comfortably allow my child to be "poisoned" even just a little. It's like sugar and processed food - all in moderation? Am I being "extreme" when I choose to be unreasonable with their mental and physical health and wish to have no video games and no sugar? It's unworkable in our culture today. So, I must adapt and work to bring understanding for them as well as myself. There will always be an effect. The question is what kind of an effect do I wish to bring. I suppose the day I delete facebook and pinterest searches and eliminate my chocolate bar I'll be more confident in telling the boys no more video games.

So many wonderful books for 7th grade  - I will post a separate list for this grade.

We are moving forward with Waldorf - using Earth schooling and Waldorf Essentials additionally

French 1
Spanish 1
Latin 1
Violin Book 2 **
Piano 1 - 
Aikido - Purple belt progression
Trackers - *****
Hand work - knit socks
Pottery - kiln - Vancouver downtown shop **
Modeling in clay - daily for clay demo
word clearing and study technology becoming second nature - use of dictionary without the internet please with demo kit
Perspective Drawing
Vimala Handwriting
Spelling and word clearing from McGuffy 6
Emerson and Longfellow - memorization
Shakespear's Hamlet - 1 scene performance, monologue
Fundamentals and main lessons in:
Early settlers
Late ME and Crusades
Chivalry and Reformation
Martin Luther
Age of Exploration
Joan of Arc
Geometry
Science: meteorology, astronomy, physics electricity and magnetism (lot of Tesla) field trips here
Physics Machines, influential scientists
Chemistry
Atom board and element cards
Astronomy - TELESCOPE investment

Cash flow game - weekly - business plan and game completed
Checking account maintenance and empirical practice of interest and compounding interest
Begin basic investing
Math bascis from Werner Arithmetic plus math curriculum in WE and Earth
Visit Phoenix - in winter - build a computer with Uncle James?
Learn Zen tea ceremony with Uncle Joe

Let's cover the state of Washington, visit national parks within- geographically - can we cross over to Canada? What's there for us to see and learn about? Currency? Math for calculations, differences in government. Let's learn about the differences in these two countries.

Continue with RBTI, Anatomy lessons and movement using Yogilachi and eurythmy.
Neville studies. Practice. Vision.