Does How We Treat Children Determine How They Develop Into Adults?

Yesterday the boys and I spent most of the day at the Odd Fellows Lodge. The nearest local lodge that I am a part of is in Portland, across the bridge from where we live.

My boys were patient and supported me while I had volunteer work to do there and they also helped me help in the kitchen for the odd ball fundraiser for the ball.

Now I have a few questions:

When we treat children as second class citizens - how do you think they will behave?
When we disrespect children how do you think they feel?
When we assume they are incapable - what do you think they assume about themselves?

One of the core reasons I finally divorced my boys' dad is that he considered these boys to be troublesome creatures who should be seen and not heard. To be sat in front of the zombie box or other zombie device and kept quiet and out of trouble. Because he was too focused on his delusions he could not take the time, effort or energy to teach them or model for them what a real gentleman, a kind human being, someone who cares for humanity and gives a damn about our world. The moment they are with him, his phone goes in their hands. Maybe he thinks this is what they want, but I believe it's more so his way to "control" them. It frightens me to think that is what goes on throughout our world nowadays.

I know it is clear I have a strong viewpoint on this enough that I'm actually writing this blog post on it. But I'm furious and I've consciously made the choice not put up with so much bull any longer. At least I can blog about it if nothing else. Thank GOD for free speech. I will no longer smile and not say a word about injustice. Nor will I just push it off and say - this too shall pass. Sure, it will pass. No question. But in the meantime I let an injustice go by? NO MORE? If we let the little injustices go what do we do with the big ones? There is WAY too much injustice in the world today!! WAY TOO MUCH! Don't even get me started on our "health care system".

Because folks we are creating our world, we've been creating our world, we've been reasonable far too long and it's way past time that we start standing up for the right. I WILL fight for the RIGHT!

Children are our future. They are the most important places for us to put our energy. Second only to what we are doing, saying in our own lives - because children are learning what they live.

What I see in our world today frightens me. Our children have so few quality role models.

I am hyper aware of how and what I do with my boys. How I act around them - and I do fall short far too often. This frustrates me to no end. But I am always willing to take personal responsibility and never will I blame another for my short comings. I will improve in any way I can for the greatest good for the greatest number as that is a core value my parents taught for me. Sadly, they also modeled one for all and none for themselves. That buck stops with me!

Since my children were babies, I would bring them with me wherever I went - to help, to serve. FAITH, FAMILY, SERVICE - my core values. Do you know yours? Do your children?

My boys observed me mowing lawns, helping neighbors, helping others, yes even strangers, cooking in the kitchen which had Ryder at 2 years old capable of making pancakes and loving every minute of it.

Both of my boys have served those without shelter, have served in kitchens and helped so many without being told. They are aware of those who are without shelter and mindfully seek out ways to help another. They are not oblivious of the challenges our world faces but they are not burdened with this because they are willing to do something - even if it is to pick up 1 piece of trash, to wipe off one table, to serve another with a kind word or a silent prayer.

What took me aback was a fellow odd fellow whom shares the purpose to help, to "educate the orphan" -  was outwardly rude to my children whom were helping in the kitchen for a big fundraiser event for the group. While they were also being youthful they were not disrupting anyone or anything,  they in that moment didn't have their arms up to their elbows in the sink washing dishes or cleaning the spinach or helping in some other way.

That was unacceptable to me. Especially because I give so much of my time and energy as well as money that I personally don't have to spare as a single mom.

It really was too much and made me realize that I do not have to be a martyr. That there are other ways we can help without taking ourselves down or making us feel like second class citizens, inadequate or unworthy.

When your help is made to be bad or unworthy - how do you feel? Well, believe me children feel it, and it's a major impact. I speak from personal experience.

I write this because I am personally pissed right now.

We worked for another hour or so, completed our "shift" and then we left the ball before it even started.

There were several absolutely wonderful and caring people who went out of their way to meet my boys and be kind to them and wow does that stand out. That simple gesture of kindness. The lead chef, the very talented actor, the chaplain - so kind and supportive and setting a wonderful example for my boys and for ME!

Juxtaposed to the out and out rudeness and put downs that they didn't belong. I had to get out of there as fast as I could because I was fuming.

You know, my parents gave so much of their time, energy and money to the church we "belonged" to when I was a child. We experienced much of the same.

 Those that are kind to children and treat them as human beings who are just as worthy to be, do and contribute are the real heroes in my book.

Anyone can put down a child to fill themselves up.  But as I write this I just realize that those people who feel they have to do that are the sad creatures.

So I will clear my boys and myself, for this anger is strong and it stems deep from my own childhood wounds.

But NEVER forget - children ARE worthy. And if they are not there is something wrong with YOU.

We talked about what happened on the way home and when we got home my youngest son, 9, said, "Mom I really want to serve you and Ryder. Please sit down and relax and let me make dinner."

This precious wonderful boy set the table beautifully, then made an awesome salad and pizza and  served us a 4 course meal from a place of joy, kindness, giving, generosity. And it was clear he felt empowered and deeply fulfilled because he was allowed to contribute.

THAT MY FRIENDS IS WHO CHILDREN REALLY ARE. If we only allow them and acknowledge that rightness in them.