Learning As A Living Art

A few months ago a colleague at the local TV station where we both produce our respective shows gave me some sage advice. I had arrived late to help on his show and it didn't sit well with him but when I explained that I had trouble ensuring child care was fully in place he asked why I didn't just bring them. I told him having a 5 year old running around in the studio would not help me or him. He just said, "I was a single dad and my kids went everywhere I went. If I was filming here they were here, if I was preaching they were with me. That's how they learn and that's the best way for them to learn." He ensured me a few times "Your boys are welcome here any time".

Brother Cecil gave me some advice I had to think on and then evaluate if that would be the best for me and the boys. While I felt so much joy from someone speaking in a way that I felt but have allowed to be squashed because of etiquette and other reasons, I also felt some kind of resistance around wanting to have my own things since I am with them constantly already.

While I believe in most cases now they are best with me, learning and participating it doesn't always prove the wisest choice. Mostly because it offends or annoys someone else including their own father.

But I feel my children should be more integrated in  my work and where appropriate should absolutely be part of what I am doing even if it's just with their drawing pads or a book while I work on a project.

Today I brought the boys with me to a class on solar cooking. I had asked the host if it would be appropriate and she said they were welcome. Now my boys were the only children and the audience was mostly of 30 and up but they had a wonderful time and experienced something that I could never have manufactured. They asked intelligent questions that showed me they were listening and engaged. It was a good lesson for me.

They sat with me during the class of about 20 people discussing truffles, how they are found, etc and solar cooking  and survival skills. An interesting conversation for me and possibly for Ryder. Dax however was more interested in the food.

The excitement started when Dax discovered a cat which then led to a kitten and then play time.

Looking back over the day I am so pleased that I relaxed a bit and allowed them to be boys. To play and enjoy their time. They were absolute gentlemen as well as absolute little boys.

I want to regain my sense that they are welcome even in adult settings. I lost part of this sense along the way and I'm saddened by that influence on my parenting. But I recognize it as the fear that it came from.

Children are welcome. My children are welcome. No matter how frustrating things get trying to co-parent, I can and I will stand my ground on that.

I get the sense that I had some kind of trigger around not fitting in or it not being ok for me to be somewhere - an event, an occasion - I remember a couple of times so vividly. And lookey here, now I get to replay that as a mom with my own children. Well, that's my lesson for today. I will let my children know they are welcome. They are welcome here. They are welcome in my home. They are welcome with me. And I won't be an ass about it if they aren't perfect. Because ultimately, I am the unwelcome adult if I put my boys in an environment where they are not welcome or treated in a way they makes them feels less than whole.

Interesting that I started this post with the title Learning as a living art. I had a lighter and more sweet idea for this post but the energy here is needing some saging.

Ok, so I'll send this note out to my little world. Ryder  - Dax - I love you more than my life - more than words - more than my ego. I am so grateful for everything you teach me. May I learn sooner rather than later and with a little more grace and ease please. And so it is.

Now some wonderful pics to go with this post.