What to do with the anger you feel...

Dax is deeply in touch with his angry side and it expresses very easily as his forefront emotion especially if he doesn't get his way. We've had a bit of a time with it as it often results in throwing punches - to his brother and even to me. He is an intensely emotional child and as a mother and his teacher I respect his individual personality greatly. Albeit choose to assist him in working through his emotions, specifically anger, in a safe and nurturing (to himself and others) way.  Ryder is very compassionate and loving and it takes quite a lot for him to go to anger (like me) so it eases some of the "self blame" I might attribute as the reason for this anger.

I have devised a mini program to work with Dax and am happy to have the assistance of my beloved "Mister Rogers Neighborhood" as the electronic media source (as you know I would be Almost Amish but have extreme disagreement from husband and boys - cringe - can't beat 'em, join 'em but choose wisely).

We use KIND TRUE NECESSARY & GENTLE as code words. I give extra love especially when his response is "I HATE YOU" when he doesn't get his way. Now my pat response "Oh dear, Well, I love you very much" or "I love you enough for both of us". I've said it enough now I truly feel this way and I will embrace him tightly and lovingly and bring him to our Peace chair or a safe spot if not at home. My unending compassion for him as I see him suffer rather than flow through the anger (which I now know is just the closest expression he contacts and he's observed this in daddy as an expression that is easy, and they have that common temperament - fire, pitta, choleric.) has helped me grow as a person and as a mother. For myself I am enjoying reading Pema Chodron's book "Start Where You Are" and "When Things Fall Apart". (I highly recommend these books!) Even Ryder lightens the mood as he looks at me conspiratorially and whispers, wow he's really hot between the ears.

When I move to "Open Intake" an Enki web piece - I can breathe and take in without having to fix first. What is so lovely to see is how Dax wants to get a grip on this anger. When we first read The ANGRY Dragon I could feel his relief as he sees that other little people experience this too.

We paint and do a modified 3 fold process from ENKI. Read the story, sleep/digest, paint and retell, next story. Sometimes we will play out the story at the park or with our puppets. He loves this so very much.

Do I have a goal for this. Only that he knows he is safe, it is safe for him to feel any emotion. That he does have the power to control any action and word and he can choose wisely what those words and actions are. This does take practice as we all know.

The Peace chair is a space I have created with a singing bowl and gems with a comfy sheepskin rug on my yoga bench. I love going there myself. Later when the boys are older I will show them how to create their own space with an alter so that they will always have a place to self soothe. I believe in that greatly.

Modeling behavior is the next and frankly the most important piece I see as needing to be put in place. Without naming names, the modeling of anger in our household has been sub par. Because we are adults we can look at the scenario logically and work through it. What a gift children give us - to mirror what is going on in our own lives. Anyway, for adults in our household we are looking into Non Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg.

Imagining is another key piece. I am personally implementing and re-implementing Simplicity Parenting steps to improve and create a more calm and connected environment.